This site is devoted to giving people convenient access to information that is proven to help build enduring and fulfilling marriages.
There has been a ton of research over the last fifty years about what makes marriages work and what makes marriages fail. But only about 20% of people access the helpful findings via premarital counseling or marriage-prep education.
There are lots of reasons for this. Here are a few.
- We live in a very busy and demanding time. Who can carve our six hours to meet with a counselor.
- We just got engaged. Life is wonderful. We are not experiencing any problems.
- We don’t see any benefit to counseling or marriage preparation. That is for people with problems.
- We’re living together and quite happy. Our love for each other will overcome any problems in the future.
- For us guys especially (this author is male) it is almost an admission of failure. Besides, many of us male-types aren’t accustomed to talking about our relationships. It is not a typical topic of discussion. We just do stuff we enjoy and relationships happen or they don’t. So the thought of going to a professional counselor to talk about marriage violates our sense of competence and doesn’t seem necessary.
Well, this blog seeks to be a coaching resource. Just like a football coach seeks to develop the potential of his players so they can be winners, this site is about coaching tips that will help any couple achieve success in their quest of their dream marriage.
The tips and advice come for the findings of top researchers who have identified the key concepts and skills that make marriages great.
A good place to begin is in the Category “The Why and How of Premarital Counseling” The articles in this group answer the question of “Why?” and then describe the four steps to “How?”.
An excellent free offering is the Free E-Course on “How to Resolve Conflict”. I believe this to one of the fundamental skills we all need to master and want to make the Rosberg’s finding available to all.
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I’m at the end of a divorce; 6 months and I will be single again however, this will be a very short period. I’ve met and am committed to a wonderful woman. My question is I want to seek pre-maritial counseling for us; she’s never been married. I want to seek counseling that can cover both issues and bring us together completely.
That is a really great question. I have also been divorced, stayed single for five years and then have been remarried for 18 years and raised five children – 3 of mine and 2 of hers in a blended family setting.
The decision to re-marry after divorce is a serious one, because the possibility of failure increases by about 10 percent. i.e. from 50% to 60%. Children are the main issue. But more importantly, any issues in our first marriages will revisit us in our second marriage. So us who have been through divorce have to work at understanding our own roles in the divorce and address those as best as possible.
Counseling is a good option if you can find a counselor with whom you are both comfortable. There is also an excellent program offered in churches called Divorce Care which goes over the normal issues every divorced person encounters. I have both done that and facilitated that and I recommend the content. My posts on the How and Why of Premarital counseling gives some good free as well as fee based resources.
All that to say that I commend you for being willing to do some work before the final I Do. It is worth the expense and effort in order make your new marriage strong and satisfying.
Marriage counseling can help couples who are having many issues.Counseling can also assist couples who are in crisis for other reasons. There is no reason for a couple to stay in an unhappy marriage.
Good comment Allie. Any thoughts on the new legislation in Mexico that allows a two year trial for a marriage? Christy Tharp in her article on huffingtonpost that the two years is equivalent to what engagement used to be.